Well it appears I may have made it through Period 3, but at what cost? My life is a constant struggle; I don't know how I go on. I want to thank the people who took time to inquire about me. Although it may appear I am doing better, I am still not well. The last few days of the period I seemed to get worse. I don't know when I will be well or even the last time I was well. My doctor again increased my dosage of anti-depressants during the last week of classes. I haven't made much progress.
I still feel like I'm broken, I have no hope or optimism for the future. I just don't care about anything anymore, nothing seems to make me happy, at least not for long. My life is a waking nightmare from which the only respite is the pitiful few hours I get from Steve's little blue sleeping pills. I still don't know why I even try. I've got to not be so bleak, but it's hard wearing a mask every day to cover up ones wretchedness. I fear I've suffered unnecessarily, excessively, and unselfishly. My sickness continues. I still go out of my way to help people. I'd say ask any BAIM580 student, but nothing I've done matters to some. I'm inconsequential a mere annoyance that will now go away.
I have been avoiding most MBA activities and will continue to do so, including the end of the semester party. I just don't feel very sociable or comfortable. Though I'd like to keep in touch with people who care. I will begin studying Mandarin soon, I seem to recall there were some volunteer tutors... I'll be investing in a textbook recommended by Sophia bookstore, which specializes in foreign language study books. My future however is in doubt.
I guess I need a quotation, I saw this one on Slashdot
the other day:
"Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you." - C.G. Jung
Muskie
PS People keep asking where I get all the quotations from, I've collected them over the last ten years and many of them are online at the following webpage.